Important Life Questions #1: What Are Your Opinions on the Portrayal of Cinnamon Rolls in the Media?

Chat
  • jonah as Jonah who was swallowed by a large fish, who is playing the role of the ineffective and subtly-annoying TV news anchor who is really bad at his job.
  • zach as Brother Zachariah, who is playing the role of the first guest star.
  • alex as Alexander the Great, who is playing the role of the second guest star.
  • cas as Casper the Friendly Ghost, who is playing the role of the third guest star.
  • crea as Ice Cream, who is playing the role of the fourth and final guest star.

jonah: *yelling* What are your opinions on the portrayal of cinnamon rolls in the media?

zach: Jonah, are you okay?

jonah: Actually, my name is Jonah who was swallowed by a large fish, but yes. So what are your opinions on the portrayal of cinnamon rolls in the media?

zach: I honestly don’t know how to answer that question.

jonah: Do you believe cinnamon rolls are accurately portrayed in the media? Or do you think cinnamon rolls are not accurately portrayed in the media?

zach: How does someone portray a cinnamon roll? It’s a type of dessert.

jonah: Do you think cinnamon rolls are portrayed in the media as dessert? Or is that your own personal opinion?

zach: You know what? I’m done. Just done.

jonah: So that concludes our first interview with our guest, Brother Zachariah (if you got that reference, you are life). Brother Zachariah appears to believe that cinnamon rolls are a type of dessert, but he would not answer if that was how they were portrayed in the media.

jonah: Next, we will question our second guest, Alexander the Great.

jonah: Alexander the Great-

alex: That’s not my name.

jonah: Oh, I’m sorry. Alexander the Great-

alex: I just said that wasn’t my name.

jonah: And I just said I was sorry. Alexander the Great-

alex: Screw you, Jonah who was swallowed by a whale.

jonah: Actually, it’s Jonah who was swallowed by a large fish, but if it’s easier for you to call me Jonah who was swallowed by a whale, by all means, go ahead, Alexander the Great.

jonah: Anyways, Alexander the Great, what are your opinions on the portrayal of cinnamon rolls in the media?

alex: Are you referencing Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure again?

jonah: No, of course not, but is that your first experience of cinnamon rolls in the media? Do tell.

alex: Jonah.

jonah: Actually, it’s Jonah who was swallowed by a large fish, but if it’s easier for you to call me Jonah, by all means, go ahead, Alexander the Great.

alex: Jonah, you just said that.

jonah: Actually, it’s Jonah who was swallowed by a large fish, but if it’s easier for you to call me Jonah, by all means, go ahead, Alexander the Great.

alex: Jonah, stop.

jonah: Actually, it’s Jonah who was swallowed by a large fish, but if it’s easier for you to call me Jonah, by all means, go ahead, Alexander the Great.

alex: Please stop with the cinnamon roll thing.

jonah: I don’t understand what you’re talking about.

jonah: So this concludes our second interview with our second guest star, Alexander the Great. Unfortunately Alexander the Great suffers from some serious head traumas, as he was unable to recall his own name, my name, and anything about this question. However, he did reference an article called Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure. I’m not quite sure how he remembered it (his head trauma was very severe), but he did.

jonah: Next is our third guest star, Casper the Friendly Ghost.

jonah: Casper the Friendly Ghost, what are your opinions on the portrayal of cinnamon rolls in the media?

cas: Well, if you want a cinnamon roll character in the media, don’t just make them a cinnamon roll character stereotype, you know what I mean? I mean, a bit of cinnamon roll is fine in any character, but a full-on cinnamon roll character with literally their entire identity being a cinnamon roll character? No. Just no. Cinnamon roll characters are acceptable, but only as long as they’re not a full-on cinnamon roll stereotype that’s just a throwaway for the plot. Cinnamon rolls can be a bit like comic relief characters, in the fact that most of the time they’re both portrayed as throwaways and just random and unessential. If you must have a cinnamon roll character in your life, I suggest a spin on a normal cinnamon roll stereotype. Maybe a cinnamon roll with a dash or two of hot sauce? Or an easy-microwavable cinnamon roll? Or even an artificially flavored cinnamon roll? These are all pretty good ideas and would make for a cinnamon roll character much easier to swallow than the stereotypical cinnamon roll character. Cinnamon roll is a trait, not an identity, and there needs to be a lot more characters where their cinnamon roll is reduced to half its size. Cinnamon rolls are delicious; pure cinnamon roll stereotypes are sickening.

jonah: Well then.

jonah: So this concludes our third interview. Our guest star, Casper the Friendly Ghost, may have gone a little overboard with the prompt. I have no idea at all what he said at any time in his entire speech, so I’ll just be completely honest to myself and say that Jonah wuz here.

jonah: Now for our fourth and final guest star, Ice Cream!

jonah: Ice Cream, I understand you’ve been in very close relations with cinnamon rolls in the past. What are your opinions on the portrayal of cinnamon rolls in the media?

crea: Hmm? Oh, I don’t really have an opinion. Cinnamon rolls and I are very close. We don’t really stop to think of their portrayal in the media. Most desserts, actually, are portrayed incorrectly in the media anyways.

jonah: That’s very interesting. Can you tell me about your relationship with Cinnamon Roll 6S0cN9Glpcs?

crea: Oh, that’s kinda personal. But he’s very sweet, I can tell you that.

jonah: What about your relationship with Cinnamon Roll Kibux6TUXMg? Or Cinnamon Roll DvCBZnv5aPU? Also, why do you date so many cinnamon rolls?

crea: Um… this is very personal.

jonah: Well, you signed up for this life. Tell me, do you like 6S0cN9Glpcs better than Kibux6TUXMg? Who has better frosting? And does DvCBZnv5aPU have a nice cinnamon swirl?

crea: I don’t really want to answer these questions.

jonah: Well, that’s no matter! You can leave now.

jonah: So, the conclusion of our fourth and final interview: Ice Cream is horrible, horrible, horrible. And we learned no more about our prompt at all.

jonah: Thanks for tuning in to Important Life Questions, and we see you next time while I twist people’s words around and insult celebrities! Thanks for watching, and have a great night!

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