Scene 1: Introductions Part 1
narrator: Once upon a time, in the beautiful land of (in monotone) Jonah’s-house-ville-swag-swaggy-swaggalicious-12345-I’m-so-smart-I-can-count-meow-I-am-a-cat-:3-backslash-semicolon-ice-cream, there lived a family. Their names were:
zach: (emotionlessly) Zach.
alex: (emotionlessly) Alex.
cas: CAS her derp lol ermegersh
jonah: Jonah wuz here! WOOP WOOP! MINI-JONAHS, ASSEMBLE!
Scene 2: Introductions Continued (a.k.a. In Which Cas is Confuzzled and the Others Are No Help)
cas: There’s no one in our family named and.
cas: I already said, there’s no one in our family named and.
narrator: (slightly irritated) And:
cas: Jesus. There’s no one in our family named and.
narrator: (extremely irritated) AND: *while wildly cueing Crea onstage*
cas: (completely and totally annoyed) I TOLD YOU, THERE’S NO ONE IN OUR FAMILY NAMED AND.
Scene 3: In Which Crea Finally Decides to Make an Appearance, Thanks a Lot for Showing Up, Sis
crea: (happily, as if play was not just ruined) Crea!
cas: (confused with a side of derp) Why are you just saying your name
crea: (confused but with no side of derp) Because I was asked to?
Scene 4: Cas and Alex Have a Bro Bonding Moment Over Pronouns
cas: Don’t be silly. She just said who.
alex: I was actually just completing your list of pronouns.
cas: Those are pronouns?
cas: I thought pronouns were like, not questions.
alex: They’re pronouns.
cas: (stupidly) Oh.
Scene 5: Narrator RUDELY Cuts Off the Main Characters for the Rest of the Play
narrator: (rushing) On this fateful day of Tuesday, August 25th, 2015, at 8:10 PM, Cas and Crea had just come back from orchestra practice, Zach was off doing adult things like taxes or something in the corner, Alex was doing his homework, and Jonah was chilling.
narrator: (still rushing) At this moment in time, something magical happened! Everyone changed what they were doing at the moment. Cas and Crea stopped coming back from orchestra practice. Cas started to read a wholesome and educational book. Crea started to read fanfiction about a fandom she was not a part of but was seriously considering becoming a part of. Zach stopped doing adult things and started yelling at Cas. Alex stopped doing his homework and started doing… more homework? For fun? Well, Alex is weird. Anyways, Jonah stopped chilling and started blogging. Online. On his blog. On his computer.
narrator: *stares at notecards* *drops notecards* (YOLO) And then the universe spontaneously combusted. The end.
Praise for this play:
“This is a stupid play and it should never be performed again.”
-Alex, on his role in the play.
“I’m ashamed that I helped to write some of this.”
-Crea, on her role in the play, and her expertise being used during the creation of the play.
“It was wonderful. Just wonderful.”
-Cas, completely without sarcasm, on the play in general.
“You call this a play?”
-[Insert fancy schmancy newspaper company here, like the New York Times or something]
As you can see, this play received a huge reception. There will be more later in the future.
Jonah wuz here.