The Chronicles of Jonah, Episode 4: Rock, Scissors, Shrimp


You know rock, paper, scissors. But do you know rock, scissors, shrimp?

I hope not. That would ruin this entire post for you.

Also, you’d have to stalk me or something because you should definitely not know. I even Googled it, to make sure I didn’t accidentally steal someone’s idea.

Vocabulary time!

The hand signals for rock and scissors stay the same as they are in rock, paper, scissors.

To make the hand signal for shrimp, curl your index finger on your dominant hand and if you feel like a cool kid, quickly curl and uncurl your finger in small amounts while moving it to the left or right.

Someone told me this was ASL for shrimp. They lied.

To make the hand signal for the ninja squish ball you’ll learn about that later, cup both your hands together to make a wide circle.

Every time you play rock, scissors, shrimp once, that is called a match. Ten matches makes a game, but it’s more fun to play without games.

Vocabulary time is now over. Congratulations! You know things.

So. Welcome to rock, scissors, shrimp. Where everything is messed up but no one cares because it’s fun like that.

Some ground rules: rock beats scissors, scissors beats shrimp, rock beats shrimp.

Don’t say it doesn’t make any sense, at least not yet. I will explain.

Okay, I can’t stop you from expressing your first amendment freedom of speech. Go ahead. Say it.

But it doesn’t make sense!

There. Happy now? Let me explain it.

If you don’t understand how this doesn’t make sense, take a look at my chart:

Rock wins against Scissors and shrimp
Scissors wins against Shrimp
Shrimp wins against N/A

Rock always wins. Just play rock all the time, right?

Wrong. There are more rules. Enjoy.

You can’t play rock twice in a row. After playing rock once, you can’t play it right after.

This is how the game stops people from playing rock all the time. Of course, there are more ways to do this, and we’ll get into that later.

Did I say rock, scissors, shrimp? Sorry, I really meant rock, scissors, shrimp, ninja squish ball. Shoutout if you got that reference.

This is where the rules get trickier.

If you play shrimp three times in a row, you have one ninja squish ball to use. You can use the ninja squish ball right after, or you can wait. However, the ninja squish ball will expire after five more turns, so be sure to use it!

Like all games, rock, scissors, shrimp depends on integrity of character. If you lie about having a ninja squish ball and everyone believes you, that’s still bad.

After using a ninja squish ball, look at what the other person played. If they played rock, scissors, or shrimp, they are now not allowed to use whichever they played until they play their own ninja squish ball.

However, this ninja squish ball does not count as an actual ninja squish ball to the other person. It merely allows the player to continue using what they were previously unable to.

If this doesn’t make any sense, think of it this way: when someone uses a ninja squish ball against you, you have a score of -1. When you use the ninja squish ball against them, the score is then 0.

Now, this is all nice and complicated, but what if someone uses a ninja squish ball on a shrimp? It becomes impossible for the shrimp-playing player to be able to use shrimp again, and by extension, to get a ninja squish ball to be able to play shrimp again.

Two-item circles are my favorite.

And that would be fine, except this is a never-ending game. And it would get boring, fast.

Therefore, if you and your opponent tie  that is, play the same thing three times in a row, that counts as a ninja squish ball. But for who?

For the person who wins a game of rock, scissors, shrimp, obviously.

The answer is: both players get a ninja squish ball.

Note this: ninja squish ball v.s. ninja squish ball has no outcome. It’s a tie. And like all other ties, it can be used to attempt to get another ninja squish ball.

Now, go play rock, scissors, shrimp. I would make an online simulation, but laziness.


P.S. If it rains tomorrow, it’s all my fault.


One thought on “The Chronicles of Jonah, Episode 4: Rock, Scissors, Shrimp

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