Hi! I’m Jonah. Or Jo-Jo. Or your Lord and Savior. Dunno, whatever you want to call me.
Here’s a picture of me, so you can stalk me.
Or just stare at my face. That’s fine too. Did you click it did you click it it’s a link did you click it did you click it I’ll wait just click it click click click it’s important that you click it so click it I know you didn’t click it okay maybe you did how should I know just click it already okay okay
I’m sorry, but not really. Actually, not at all.
So what do I post on this blog? Well, I’m glad you asked!
This is starting to sound like an infomercial. But a really bad one. I’m sorry. That was really cheesy up there.
Actually, no. That’s all I do. That was a lie.
An unintentional lie but a lie nonetheless- okay I will not go into the Giver stuff here. Not just yet. That’s all I do.
So what else do I do?
Yes, I am aware this is all full of contradictions. I do aesthetics and chat posts but mostly regular posts, so these are the types of regular posts I do. Make sense? No? Good.
I analyze Google Doodles, ramble, make birthday posts on people’s birthdays, geek out about poetry, explain random things that need explaining, talk a lot about school, narrate my life stories, play kid’s video games, use copious amounts of Google Translate, write persuasive essays on ridiculous topics, shamelessly advertise myself and friends, complain about my Internet connection, make bad puns, give useless advice, review books, go on long vacations, geek out about music, try to express my mood in nouns alone, recommend books, share some of my many bookmarks, procrastinate endlessly, fight in the band-orchestra war, list things, geek out about astrology, discuss the rain, squeal over cute animals, argue over holidays, collab with Crea, think of AU’s that would never happen, write unopenable and openable letters, give shoutouts to people that will never see their shoutouts, quote myself, geek out about names, organize events for my followers which are never attended, rave about food, use overly complicated words just for kicks, bemoan the lack of non-Jonah-who-was-swallowed-by-a-whale artwork for my name, obsess over tarot cards, obsess over typography and Google Fonts, change the lyrics to songs to fit my life, question myself, take all the personality tests, review movies in the least serious way possible, write lame haikus for the point of writing lame haikus, ask for book recs, make up crazy fan theories late at night, time travel constantly, obsess over turquoise, and give my opinion about things.
That’s long. But not a run-on. Because it’s grammatically correct. And I am a (mostly) grammatically correct person. I’d like to thank spellcheck and angry Grammar Nazis on the Internet.
Sometimes, if I’m feeling super achievement-worthy, I combine topics. Once I made a couple of bad puns about astrology. I once made bad puns on names. Once I listed songs I could sing. Once I took a personality quiz on cute dogs. So many options.
So far, my series
which is kinda a stretch, since most only have one post in them are: Mental Broadcast, Cynical Sun, Name Blanks, Jonah In Wonderland, Jonah’s Life Hacks, Sketchy Life Hacks, Slightly Serious Book Reviews, Jonah “Talks,” Rainy Day Blanket Book Recs, Rainy Day Grades, Apology Letters, Casper the Friendly Ghost Investigates, and The Chronicles of Jonah. I might have more that I’m unaware of, but for now, that about sums it up.
Special acknowledgements to the Nerd Fam, including Sky, because they exist. And breathe air. And are generally alive most of the time.
And shoutout to myself. For doing this blog thing.
Jonah wuz here.
Email me at: email@example.com. (This link doesn’t work on Windows but it looks pretty so shh… No one will ever notice.)